Mitt Romney is a unicorn. This is indeed a very disturbing turn of events for a number of reasons. This article will provide a factual basis for the claims of Mitt Romney’s unicornism and will attempt to analyze some of the more significant dangers of having a unicorn in the White House.
How do we know Mitt Romney is a unicorn?
- Many people believe he is a unicorn.
- Many people say he is a unicorn.
- I read on the internet that Mitt Romney is a unicorn.
Why should you be concerned that Mitt Romney is a unicorn?
- Unicorns are unAmerican.
- Unicorns practice a weird religion
- The constitution of the United States specifically prohibits unicorns from holding public office.
- If a unicorn is president of the United States, our number one enemy, Unilandia, will soon dominate the world stage. While Unilandia has a small army in comparison to ours, it has many horns. In fact, recent intelligence reveals that Unilandia has horns of mass destruction (HMD).
- If we have a unicorn for president, back room deals with Unilandia will certainly lead to the loss of American jobs, particularly in the crucial areas of circus acts and stuffed animals
- Spread the word to your friends and neighbors.
- Sign the petition to have Arizona Secretary of State Ken Bennett prove that Mitt Romney is not a unicorn. Bennett threatened to keep Barack Obama off the ballot in Arizona due to birther claims; now it is time to answer the Unicorner claims. The good folks at LeftAction.org have specified that they would like a DNA test, as well as a photograph of Mitt Romeny without his thick and lucious hair, which is quite possibly covering a horn. Isn’t it your duty as an American to investigate these startling claims?